After 40 years of marriage, she is searching for a ‘friend through benefits’. Where can we discover a sexual partner she deserve to trust?


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‘We still have an active sex life and we adore each other.’ (Posed by models.) Composite: Getty/Guardian style Team
‘We still have actually an energetic sex life and we adore each other.’ (Posed through models.) Composite: Getty/Guardian architecture Team

We room a retired couple who have been married because that 40 years. I adore my wife and she adores me. We still have an active sex life, however we have actually talked about her detect another sexual companion to be with on occasion. No of united state approves that going digital to uncover one. Exactly how would you imply that we find her a “friend v benefits”, who she deserve to be with and trust? Our youngsters all live away from us, for this reason we are not terribly hung up around anyone finding out.

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The an essential issue is “trust”. It is never easy to uncover someone to to trust with any kind of aspect of your life – finances, work, household, also grooming – so, naturally, it will certainly be particularly an overwhelming when it involves creating a sex-related triad.

The very first thing for you and your wife to do is to discuss in good detail precisely what the “agreement” would certainly look like. Because that example, would certainly it be OK because that the third person come be who in her community, whom you can see in various other settings? would certainly you threat bringing that human being into her home, or would it be better to usage a various location? would certainly your wife view the person alone, or would you be present? What limits should be set? What space the safety considerations? humans are hardwired to feeling jealousy; although you may think this would not arise, it more than likely would – how would you deal with that? would details it is in shared?

There requirements to be clear, transparent, common consent – consisting of by the third person. It might be ideal to look for an developed “swingers” community near you, since, in ~ it, you are much more likely to discover someone that is currently comfortable through unorthodox relationships. However you will certainly still have to follow rules, practice caution and also be all set for unanticipated feelings and also events.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sex-related disorders.

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