I have NEVER consumed peanut butter v a spoon. I"d fairly eat a bowl complete of snails. Okay, maybe not, yet still. This lot is true, though: i absolutely despise peanut butter.

You are watching: Why does my peanut butter hate me


*

You know how there are specific strange times in life when you have to come up through a "fun fact" about yourself? Well, mine go-to is always that: "I hate peanut butter."

And, there is no fail, this seemingly basic statement always causes a scene. That can bring that team-building job-related retreat native awkward and also kind that boring to loud and filled through fits of rage from those that pride themselves on loving peanut butter so much they eat it right from the jug (my worst nightmare, btw). "How room we even friends?!?!?!" is a usual response.

It"s always so amusing to me the my aversion — I"m not allergic at every — to that gooey, smelly stuff is the point that apparently renders me many unlikeable. It"s favor I need to apologize because that my taste buds and have personally offended everyone in the room. SORRY.

So after ~ struggling through almost 30 year of loathing peanut butter, here are some things that take place when you"re in the hater minority.


1. Everyone Forgets You dislike It

I"ve lost count the the number of times friends have tried to obtain me to eat something with peanut butter in it every innocently. "OH! i forgot! Because, you know, how can anyone dislike peanut butter?" is often the solution when ns politely thank them because that trying to poison me — because that the zillionth time.

You really find out to concern every dessert ~ a few accidental bites of cookie with covert things choose peanut butter chips or "just a tablespoon" the peanut butter in the entirety batch.

2. Civilization Enjoy Exploiting your Dislike of It

Way earlier on my 13th birthday, mine "friends" made decision it would certainly be a an excellent idea to date of birth bash me with PB on mine front lawn. (Remember once birthday bashing was a point in the so late "90s?).

Anyway, lock smeared peanut butter anywhere me, i ate stunner String since I assumed they were spraying cans of whipped cream (I"d to be momentarily blinded through the odor of PB), and also then my mommy made me to wash off v the freezing cold hose before going into the residence to degrease myself in the shower. It was terrible. Ns think ns was mad because that weeks. Ugh, middle school.


*

This was plainly the many extreme kind of peanut butter torture, yet these days people just like to shot to cheat me into eating that — simply to see what I"ll do. Jerks.

3. The Smell provides You Queasy

When friend despise PB, you discover to follow your nose. You smell everything before you eat that — just as a second line the defense after girlfriend ask what"s in something. And also when you do come throughout the dreaded substance, you gag simply a bit...then politely ask whereby the garbage have the right to is. Or, friend hand it off to any variety of people in the vicinity who can never stand to watch a peanut butter treat gain thrown out.

It"s likewise tough to make PBJ sandwiches because that other human being or to provide PB as a act to my dog. It"s just so sticky and also smelly!


*

4. You have Peanut Butter FOMO

When ns was a kid, i was usually the only one on the playground without a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my lunch box. And also my mom absolutely wasn"t forking over the big bucks because that Lunchables. So, ns was the weird boy with cream cheese and also jelly sandwiches. And also though it teach me it"s okay to stand the end in a PB-loving crowd, girlfriend can"t aid but feel left out when everyone rather is mentioning the merits that smooth vs. Chunky.

Later in life, girlfriend often come to be the one that doesn"t eat dessert at dinner parties, because, together I stated above, anyone forgets around the girl that hates peanut butter.

See more: Connection For Controluser As Defined In Your Configuration Failed. Phpmyadmin

5. You discover That the Ruins every little thing It Touches

I"ve also quickly learned that you can never placed a peanut butter cookie in a bag v a coco chip cookie without major PB cross-contamination. Ns can"t tell friend how many goodies I"ve had to toss over the years due to the fact that of peanut butter"s uncanny capability to damage everything that touches.