On very early Thursday morning critical week, a friend and also I, both over-caffeinated and also excited come be playing hooky native work, traipsed right into the city to to visit a live taping the The Wendy Williams Show.
You are watching: What do i bring to the table
The only real setup was come sit, laugh and also look cute in the audience, however by the end of the illustration I had spilled the tea come Wendy and the human being that i exclusively date wealthy men. Then, things got interesting.
My question, posed throughout her "Ask Wendy" segment, go a small like this:"Hi Wendy! just how you doin? I"m going come level with you, ns only day wealthy men. My friends judge me due to the fact that they to speak I"m too picky. I carry out want to resolve down part day yet they have to have the "ching ching". Have to I reduced my standards?"
Her follow-up concerns came in tandem. "How old space you and what do you have to offer?" Wendy responded."I"m 38 years old," i answered, "And when human being ask me what I carry to the table, ns say "I to be the table.""
The audience cheered together Wendy shook she head and looked at me v a mix that judgment and disapproval. A it s too dirty conversation ensued both on and also off camera, through Wendy eventually telling me I required to "grow up".
Little go she know, just a fully grown woman deserve to make the declaration ns did, and mean it.
To carry out some context, which many, consisting of a barrage of virtual trolls, totally missed, at this age, I"m old sufficient to have actually lived the struggle love fantasy much more than once. Due to the fact that of that, i have ultimately awakened to the expertise that pure self-preservation requires both greater standards and higher boundaries in my dating life.
It is a an effective realization as soon as you step right into the role of creator the your own life.
You establish just exactly how much you are worth, and also as a result, start to take more care in deciding that does and also who does no get access to your magic. This shift can occur at any age, however too numerous of us pertained to this realization late, only after we"ve been drained emotionally, financially, and/or spiritually through a member the the Ashy combination or the Dusty Delegation. That being said, it is never ever too late to wake approximately your power as a woman and also demand your worth.
Which is why Wendy"s second question is so infuriating. Together a connoisseur the the virtual dating arts, the "What perform you bring to the table?" line of questioning is a renowned male solution to any slight point out on a woman"s component that she is expecting much more than a cup that coffee and also a tough penis.The response, "I to be the table," is my method to communicate concisely that yes, I have actually it all, beauty, brains, credentials etc, therefore you must actually it is in trying to admire me, no the other way around.
Of course, I can rattle turn off the fact I"m a Spelman grad, I have a law degree, to be a effective entrepreneur, a marketing professional, Glambassador the Newark, writer of 100 things to do in Newark prior to You Die, yoga teacher, and a negative bitch. However does any kind of of that define me or in which method entitle me come a high high quality man?
Absolutely not. I might be a circus clown (no disrespect come circus clowns). Regardless of of my size, age, or color, I have the freedom to need a particular standard and also pursue relationships with guys that have reached a particular level financially.
Because really, what are the needs for dating a rich man?
If i looked favor an eastern European supermodel or was an A-list celebrity, would certainly Wendy have actually posed the same question? go anybody wonder what credentials Elin Nordegren had in order to date and also marry Tiger Woods? What about Melania Trump? Or Salma Hayek? Of food not.What provides me or you any type of less worthy to date and also marry someone of a greater income bracket?
To go even deeper, the "table" question is attack on its face, because it put a woman, who by nature bring away anything a man gives her and improves on it, in the place of having actually to defend her worth to a perfect stranger based on random qualifications prefer looks, credentials, or "freak number." at any time that concern is posed, i now know that you"ve sized me up and also have figured out that what small you recognize or check out so much is not enough, therefore you need a list of additional qualities that I"m "offering" in stimulate to take it me seriously.
Newsflash: A woman does not need to "offer" a guy anything other than her companionship.
Revolutionary concept to some, however these room the facts. The entirety reason males are thrust to obtain up everyday, go to work, have successful careers, and make a most money is so that they have the right to afford to impress women and date/marry the dream girl of their choosing. So that goes without saying the the mrs is the table. What that way is a woman just IS worthy, and that has nothing to carry out with how numerous degrees she has.
Our worth is intrinsic and intangible. It"s in the peace you feel when we"re around, the joy you acquire from making us happy, and the diamonds the spring from our womb should we select to bless you v children.
All the rest is merely table decor.
If you have a tough time understanding this, you room either a woman who has actually been socialized to think that you should go over and past in stimulate to gain or save a guy (it"s the other method around, sis), or you"re a man who"s no a provider and is instead trying to find a woman to "help" friend (aka cook, clean, carry out live-in sex, have your babies, raise her babies, execute all the emotional job of sustaining the relationship and pay fifty percent the bills).
Good luck come you guys. As for me and my date life, I have actually made a conscious an option not to settle, due to the fact that I"ve learned as soon as you settle, you finish up getting even less than what you settled for.
Still persuaded that love is the only thing we need? How around some stats?
Black women are the many educated team in America, however we room still not on track to get equal pay till the year 2124. That"s how far we space behind. Then, black women leave college with an ext debt than women of any other race, and also to make matters worse, college-educated black females are less likely than any kind of other groups to practice assortative mating, that is, the decision come marry a male with a similar level the education.
Our nonblack peers room practicing it at higher rates 보다 we are, i m sorry is contributing to both the wealth gap (white households have nearly 10 time the net worth of black families) and additionally the phenomenon of bottom intergenerational mobility in black households (middle course black children are more likely 보다 their white counterparts come become poor adults).
These stats space horrifying. And also yet, black women are still seen as selfish, superficial or "gold diggers" if us decide to set a typical for our date life that other women wouldn"t blink an eye at. This is not about using anyone for a come up, it is around wealth-building because that the next generation and the one ~ that.It"s time together black females that us level increase not simply in our careers, but our romantic relationship as well.
To carry out so, friend don"t have to focus exclusively on super well-off men, yet assortative mating calls for that friend date and marry out, fairly than down.
And no, money isn"t everything, however we just significant Equal salary Day 2018, the day yearly where the sex pay void is highlighted and also women are urged to need what they space worth and negotiate wages accordingly. Ladies, i am here to tell you that you need to keep that same energy when it involves your romantic partnerships. Marital relationship is a business, so you should enter with the understanding that if points don"t job-related out, you"ll be much better off or an in similar way situated together you were prior to marriage, not worse.Love comes and also goes, but community residential property is forever.
So men, please execute us every a favor and also stop asking females what they lug to the table. Instead, begin contemplating just how you can provide a home and a way of life that your right table fits comfortable in.
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Do you think women must be inquiry what they lug to the table or carry out you stand behind the belief that we space the table? Share your thoughts in the comment ar down below.
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